Forgiven
by hotaru anne
Summary: Ayanami Rei decides to take a walk on a barren Tokyo and contemplates on life...*my first EVA songfic!*


Here's my first Eva fic. Sorry it sucks so bad...my muse was driving me insane to write this. enjoy!  
  
  
~*Forgiven*~  
~*A Neon Genesis Evangelion Songfic*~  
  
***...You know how us Catholic girls can be  
We make up for so much time a little too late  
I never forgot it, confusing as it was  
No fun with no guilt feelings  
The sinners, the saviours, the loveless priests  
I'll see you next Sunday...***  
  
Ayanami Rei walked down the sidewalks of Tokyo. The streets were barren, empty, lonely, desolated with no signs of life whatsoever. A dead city. A ghost city. Ever since the shito had arrived and terrorized the world fifteen years ago, there was no rest for anyone in the world.   
  
I feel so lonely.  
  
What is this feeling inside of me?  
  
She walked past a curve and walked onto the empty streets. There were no cars around for the traffic lights to deal with, and the paint on the ground was beginning to chip and crack due to age. Dust from the beaches and from anywhere was covering the streets and there was no sign of any recent footprints aside from her own.  
  
My life needs meaning.   
  
Why am I walking this path alone?  
  
She saw a teddy bear lying in the middle of nowhere. She bent down, her long, gray tench coat falling to the dirty floor as she studied the teddy bear keenly. Its stitches were torn and seemed to have been trampled on countless of times before it was left here in the middle of the dead city. She touched it with a fraile hand and picked it up slowly.   
  
I have no one to turn to.   
  
Who am I to count on in the end?  
  
  
***....We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did....***  
  
  
Rei continued to walk until she reached in front of an abandoned park. Streamers and paper littered the grass and the trees were still hanging dying leaves on their branches. Still carrying the fragile teddy bear in her arms, she strode into the park, and lifted some papers.   
  
Happy Birthday!  
  
Congratulations!  
  
Good luck!  
  
May God Bless you!  
  
She blinked; what was the purpose for all these papers? Was there a party here? If so, what was the occasion? The messages written in messy symbols were confusing and distracting from her task at hand. But then again, whoever they were congratualating was very special to them.   
  
Does anyone care about me?  
  
In the end, will anybody remember me?  
  
  
***...I sang Alleluia in the choir  
I confessed my darkest deeds to an envious man  
My brothers they never went blind for what they did  
But I may as well have  
In the name of the Father, the Skeptic and the Son  
I have one more stupid question...***  
  
  
Rei continued to walk and found herself in front of a lifeless church. From the cross at the peak, she realized that this was the faith that Captain Katsugari believed in, for she was always walking around with a cross around her neck. Curious, she decided to check it out.  
  
Is religion important?  
  
Is it always there, even in these dark times?  
  
The church had a certain fragnance that was old and intoxicating. There were some candles that still danced in the wind of the old church, but the light and warmth wasn't enough to comfort her soul as she huddled in her gray trench coat. She looked around and saw images and statues of a man in a red cloak and a halo exposing his heart, surrounded by fire and thorns and a woman in blue and white looking down soulfully at her.   
  
What is God?  
  
Does He know my name?  
  
She sat down in one of the pews and looked at the altar with a certain curiousity. There was a cross above a chair cushioned in red, a cross with a man nailed onto it and looking up to the ceiling. Watching it closely made her dizzy and light-headed as she turned around and began to walk away from the church, down the aisle.   
  
Is He really there?  
  
Did He want me to be in this world?  
  
  
***...what I learned I rejected but I believe again  
I will suffer the consequence of this inquisition  
If I jump in this fountain, will I be forgiven?***  
  
  
Rei found herself walking aimlessly around the streets now.   
  
Who am I?  
  
What is my purpose in this life?  
  
She sighed and sat on the sidewalk, thinking, pondering on the questions that never rested in her mind. She had fought, many had fallen beneath her feet, and yet she had no feeling of purpose, of joy, of anything. She felt like a puppet being played around for nothing.   
  
Where am I?  
  
Why is this happening to me?  
  
She felt like crying, yet no tears seemed to have left her eyes. Nothing. She felt worthless, used, no pupose. Was there no one who could answer her silent scream? She felt like she was losing something, something important in her, but she didn't know nor recognize what it was.  
  
Why can't I be normal like the others?  
  
"Ayanami! Rei Ayanami!"  
  
  
***...We all have delusions in our heads  
We all have our minds made up for us  
We had to believe in something  
So we did...***  
  
  
She looked up and saw a boy in a white t-shirt and black pants running down the empty streets towards her. The wind was now blowing and was playing with his brown hair and her blue strands.   
  
Who was this person?   
  
How did he know my name?  
  
"Rei," the boy said breathlessly.   
  
"Ikari Shinji," she greeted solomnly. "What is it?"  
  
"The-The Shito," he explained raggedly. "They're attacking the west side of the city! Gendou---my father---has been frantic looking for you when I remembered you went out, so I came looking for you. Asuka's already firing up Eva 02 so she can check this out, but we need you too." He scrunched his face. "Apparently, she doesn't agree."  
  
She turned away sadly. "Go without me."  
  
"Why?" he demanded indignantly. "I didn't run all this way for that."  
  
She sighed. "Because," she replied, "I do not think I am fit to go."  
  
"Don't do this to me, Ayanami!" he croaked, grabbing her arm and making her glare at him. "We need you. Tokyo needs you. Besides, I hate to admit that Asuka's right...as usual. You can be confused with why you're here, but don't get all confused with who you are and what the mission is!" He sighed. "Don't let your friends down, Ayanami."  
  
The word "friends" perked up her systems. He was her friend! So there was someone who would be there in the end, someone who would remember her one day and would always be there. All her doubts began to sink shallow as she nodded. "Let's go."  
  
  
***....We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did....***  
  
  
~End of Story~ 


End file.
